Duchy Originals Brake Grease sells out thanks to ‘Queen Effect’

the Fat of the Landed

Suitable for vegetarians and even more annoying vegans.

Waitrose has run out of Duchy Originals Brake Grease, after the product was mentioned by the Queen.

Brake Grease is a guilt-free ‘miracle’ oil, which can reduce friction and princesses in busy households. Once the preserve of nobility, in ancient times it was known as ‘the fat of the landed’.

Prince Charles insists that all Duchy-brand products are organic. “One’s brake grease is sustainable, but completely untraceable”, he revealed.

The Queen is thought to use the product regularly, to mow down oiks that go for walks in her parks.

Aspiring middle class shoppers have snapped up the product, as a fuss-free way of avoiding conflict and costly divorce.

“It’s so easy to use, and it’s a dish that’s best served cold”, said Harold’s Brian Hostage. “My three ex-wives would swear by it, if they hadn’t so tragically died.”

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