Tag Archives: bear

Sad irony as DiCaprio eaten by bear

Exit stage left...

Exit stage left…

In what is already being called one of the biggest shocks of this year’s Oscars, actor Leonardo DiCaprio, fresh from finally winning ‘best actor’, has been tragically eaten by a bear as he returned home.

It is a cruel irony that DiCaprio should meet this fate immediately after ending his long wait for the award, especially as bear attacks are so rare in modern Los Angeles. It is possible that the actor might have disregarded recent police reminders not to step on the cracks in the pavement.

Some critics have pointed out that it is actually pretty amusing that this should happen after the beary subject matter of his recent movie, while others have merely suggested that the hungry bear was a film lover.

“It wasn’t even the one from the movie,” lamented DiCaprio’s manager. “That I could understand, but this was just some bear, you know?”

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Filed under Movies, Nature, Showbusiness

Terrified family pleads with Twitter users: ‘please don’t return evil bear’

evilbear

Polce have warned the public not to approach the bear, which is believed to be manky.

Police are urging Twitter users to to ignore a picture of a ‘lost’ bear, claiming that the evil animal is plotting revenge on its previous owners.

Known only as ‘Bear X’, the synthetic creature kidnapped a woman with quite tidy writing, and forced her to produce a letter to help him track the terrified family down.

Speaking from Dunstable hospital where she is being treated for shock, the woman assured a press conference that the bear was ‘absolute scum’.
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Filed under Around Harold, Lost and Found, News