Blair to take political centre-ground: will probably bomb it

Sociopathe will be especially welcome

“a face built for a wicker man”

Embodiment of Teflon in human/lizard combo form, Tony Blair, will launch an attack on common decency next year, gurning his way into TV studios, onto TV sofas and thence onto our TV screens. Into our homes, as if the world wasn’t bad enough.

The well-known war criminal and former PM has assembled a formidable team of popular, cross-party politicians, including Murphy, Osborne, Clegg, and some bloke you won’t have heard of, who used to be a special adviser to Mandelson.

We’re not making this shit up, what could the general public possibly find unappealing there?

“We’re targeting the neglected warmonger demographic” said a Blair spokesperson today.

“The kind of person who wouldn’t be caught dead in an anti-war demonstration, or ‘suicidally’ slumped against a tree in the woods after his name was leaked to the press, or suffering a sudden ‘heart attack’ whilst out walking in the highlands, after resigning from the government.”

“Tony says that sociopaths will be especially welcome, and feel very much at home.”

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