“OMG! Best news evar!”
The oldest and most vulnerable in our society are happy that one of them, an elderly lady known only as Mrs E. Windsor is having her house refurbished at tax payers expense.
“Ah that’s lovely,” said Harold pensioner Mary Hoskins. “As I’m wearing a coat indoors and eating the tin of supermarket own brand soup that is the one hot meal a day I can afford, I’ll think of Liz and her husband and be right warmed up knowing that the system works for two of us old folk.”
Despite rumours that Mrs Windsor’s husband in an immigrant and that she is the matriarch of a huge family all of whom live off handouts, tabloid outrage has been surprisingly absent.
“It’s the feel good story we can all enjoy,” said Mary. “Besides £389m isn’t that much money these days. Nigel Farage said the NHS will get nearly that much a week extra now we’re leaving the EU. But perhaps,” she added wistfully, “perhaps when they’re next giving money out to my generation it could be spread out a bit more.”
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