Blair claims Corbyn could destroy Labour in 45 minutes

"Would these hands lie to you?"

“Would these hands lie to you?”

Tony Blair warns that leadership contender Jeremy Corbyn has a huge arsenal of principles of mass destruction, and these could quickly be deployed to reduce the Labour Party to an organisation that listens to its members.

“People don’t realise how dangerous principles are in the wrong hands” explained foreign dictator consultant Blair. “Jeremy Corbyn could use them to make Labour unrecognisable inside an hour of becoming leader.”

“20 years of building relations with multinational corporations and City bankers could be reduced to rubble, and for what end, so ordinary people can have a bigger slice of the pie? Oh please” said Blair.

“This sort of ‘principles’ approach would be frowned upon by big business– it could seriously affect the chances of me being invited to a sleepover with Rupert Murdoch and Wendi Deng.”

Foreign dictator consultant Blair said people considering voting for Mr Corbyn needed to think about the longer term consequences.

“Elderly people might find that suddenly having affordable heating could cause their brains to overheat. Young couples caught in a rent trap will have to adjust to home ownership and the consequent risk of being exposed to Daily Mail articles about house prices. And people everywhere will have to cope as best they can with unfamiliar feelings of self-worth.”

Jeremy Corbyn said it was his policy to not respond to personal attacks. “I promise, as a sign of goodwill, that if I became leader I will personally ensure that foreign dictator consultant Blair has the all-expenses paid holiday he deserves.”

“To the Hague.”

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  1. Pingback: Blair claims Corbyn’s ‘principles of mass destruction’ could destroy Labour in 45 minutes | Vox Political