‘They’ll take it out on someone’: badgers fear attack from government denied chance to twat foxes

This one’s so scared it’s forgotten how to badger

Badgers across England are today living in fear of becoming the victims of a reprisal attack from a government which reacts to the word ‘no’ about as well as a spoilt toddler who’s just asked for more sweets.

“Fair play to the foxes,” said Furry Rita, spokesbadger for the Harold Wood colony, “we’re glad it’s worked out for them but now the Tories’ll be looking to save face and viciously off something else. They’ll take it out on someone and their traditional prey, miners, seems to have gone extinct.”

“We reckon there’s a high chance it’ll be us badgers, and that they’ll ramp up the cull just because they can. As for the other possible victims,” she said, “Well, if I was a disabled human on benefits right now I’d be bloody terrified.”