The Dalai Lama is said to be ‘overjoyed’ at the prospect of annointing James Bay with his own holy water.
Mr Lama, 63, is famed for his inner calm and tranquility, but ‘completely lost his shit’ when he first heard ‘Hold Back the River’.
“I will not hold this river back”, declared the Llama. “I will project it forward with righteous velocity. With luck, I’ll knock his stupid hat off.”
When asked if hitting a shallow little turd from a distance of 30 yards would be difficult, Mr Lama simply smiled serenely.
“It will make me calm, so that will make it easy”, he revealed. “You could say, it will be a ‘piss of peace’.”