Thomas Cook finally apologise: ‘we’re sorry for our loss’

Lest we forget.

Thomas Cook has at last expressed remorse over the death of two children, and the devastating effect it’s had on their profits.

Despite a £3 million payout from the hotel to try and bring them some closure, the travel agent is still trying to come to terms with a 20% drop in bookings.

“It seems incredible that in this day and age, a faulty boiler can cause such appalling sorrow”, said chief executive Peter Fankhauser.

“You’d think someone in a position of responsibility would have checked it, although I now realise that wasn’t the parents’ job. Particularly as we didn’t check they were CORGI registered.”

The company tried a number of strategies to come to terms with their bereavement, shopping for sympathy with UNICEF, and expressing remorse without admitting responsibility.

“But we’ve now done the maths, and realise that accepting the facts will do us less damage in the long term. For instance, we’ve demolished the bungalow, and turned it into a rememberance garden.”

“The view from the surrounding flats is so good, we can charge a little more. And that means we can afford to check the other boilers, in just a few seasons’ time.”