Green vote hampered by lack of wind

Some green voters consider drinking their own piss.

Harold’s Green candidate is expecting a voting collapse, as a lack of wind or sunshine hampers attempts to reach polling stations.

A few plucky voters have attempted to make it to the memorial hall by tide power, but being 150 miles inland has thwarted most efforts.

“This is very disappointing”, said Pippa Delaney. “We blame bias in the BBC’s weather department. “We asked for a squall, but this is barely a breeze.”

Oversized election pamphlets could have carried four voters in a Mondeo to a booth in a good headwind, but vertical rain has led to polling withdrawals and the sunroof being closed.

“We could start the engine, but I don’t want to come across as a hypocrite”, said Delaney. “Besides, I sold my petrol to Eddie to pay the election deposit.”

Delaney is pinning her hopes on a late surge. “The weather will clear up later, and once the clouds have gone, we can get my hand-knitted solar trike out. That should be around 9.30pm.”

“I just hope Flegg doesn’t notice we haven’t got any headlights. We’ve put them on the roof to try and power the thing.”