Members of the EC have called an emergency search and rescue meeting, to look for some safe moral highground.
Reputations have been dashed like a small dinghy against a rescue ship, but so far, no-one else has been found responsible for the deaths of hundreds of refugees.
“We thought of blaming the victims, but that didn’t go down well at all”, said Jean-Claude Juncker. “So now we’re hoping to target the people smugglers.”
“But they insist they are only responding to market forces and that someone else created the demand in the first place. And quite frankly, that’s outside of our remit.”
While helicopters continue to look for an anonymous non-European to pluck out of the carnage and drop in the shit, Italy has started draining the Mediterranean to try and halt the influx of little boats.
“It’s slimy and it stinks, and this sort of futile action risks destabilising the Middle East”, said Italian president Sergio Mattarella. “Oh wait, that’s not the sea, that’s Tony Blair. Chaps, I think we’ve found the culprit.”