‘I will miss punching people’ says Jeremy Clarkson


Sandwich? Knuckle.

In his first comment since being dropped from the TV show Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson has said he will miss punching people in the face.

The presenter was writing in his first column for the Sun since he was released from the show on 25 March after an “unprovoked physical attack” on a producer.

“Heartfelt thanks to all those who have written to say how much they will miss me on Top Gear,” he wrote. “It’s not as much, however, as I’ll miss being there.”

“Mainly,” he continued, “the sensation of smashing my knuckles into the face of someone who fears for their job and has done nothing wrong except working on the same show as a bullying overweight twat. You know, those sorts of things. Specifically, the punching.”

The decision to fire Clarkson caused an outpouring of support from fans of violent abuse, with more than a million people staging a mass ‘punch-in’, involving attacking innocent caterers while being supported by David Cameron.

The original row, which took place in a Yorkshire hotel, was said to have occurred because the food trough provided for Clarkson’s after-show gorging was not quite wide enough to admit the presenter’s bloated sneering face, leaving the star reduced to opting for the cold sandwich and punching menu.

Many commentators have assumed that Clarkson will embarrass the BBC by swiftly moving on to a new show where he just punches himself in the mouth for half an hour, but the star seems keen to enjoy some vacation time before taking up this option.

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