EXCLUSIVE! Local greengrocer ‘won’t quit’

carrot (1)

A carrot

A greengrocer in Harold has angrily denied that he’s quitting, and instead vowed to continue in his role.

Defiantly operating his till and a sort of weighing contraption to the left of it, Dominic Evans of ‘Evans Vegetables and Sons’ faced up to a string of customers, one at a time.

The move to stay put comes quickly after the departure of Cllr Ron Ronsson: he brushed past our reporter carrying a melon and some carrots.

Despite the ‘cash for fruit’ controversy, no-one has actually called for Evans to leave. But they will do, once a journalist gets to the front of the queue. “What on earth are talking about?” demanded Evans. “Where the f*** would I go?”, before adding “do you want those potatoes or not?”

Evans took our payment without showing a hint of shame or remorse. The grubby tubers were deftly stashed in our Lidl bag: a sleight of hand Evans was clearly familiar with.

“P*** off you troublemaker”, he roared angrily, as a kumquat bounced off our head. “Of course I’m not going to ‘hand myself in to the authorities’.”

“And you can put back the jar of chipotle paste and the gentleman’s relish an’ all, unless you’re planning on paying for them. That’s it, take them back out of your pocket, put them down and b***** off.”

It looks like the ‘businessman’ has won for now, but we’ll be back again once we’ve licked our wounds. And next time, we won’t reveal our sauces.

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