Surprise as Liberal Democrats identified as ‘major political party’

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg with Bath MP Don Foster visits the Bath Quays South to hear about plans to redevelop that area of the city.

Can he fix it? No, he can’t

Nick Clegg has cancelled an order for 500 business cards advertising his skills as a low-level bodger, after being declared the leader of a ‘major political party’.

“This is brilliant news,” said Clegg from his caravan in the gardens of Number 10. “I didn’t know anyone was listening to me, other than that lady who I quoted for painting her fence, some time after April.”

The move means Clegg will be allowed to appear in a series of TV debates. “It’s vital for putting my point across’,” he declared.

“No job too small, references available. White washing a speciality. Should I mention I do removals? How far away is Chipping Norton?”