Hinchingbrooke management ‘hadn’t expected lots of sick people’


“No, really. You’re welcome to it.” [Circle Holdings 2015]

Circle Holdings, the first private firm to manage a NHS hospital, says it’s upset that so many sick people took advantage of a free service “… and thus spoiled it for everyone else”.

The company is so upset that it’s decided to withdraw from Hinchingbrooke hospital but made it clear that it will continue with many other NHS deals. “Some are very profitable,” agreed Circle’s top Money-Wrangler Steve Melton “and in such cases it would clearly be unethical to let the public down.”

Mr Melton outlined some of the recent difficulties at the hospital: “We were willing to invest, as long as only a few patients turned up – let’s be honest, sick people are only ever going to cost you money! But when the waiting rooms filled up and we’d spent as much as we wanted, we concluded our involvement was unsustainable.” He made it clear that the decision had been made with regret and only after considerable thought about annual bonuses.

“To limit our liability, we’d insisted on a break clause if we weren’t earning shed-loads; yet another advantage of private sector thinking.” said Melton before adding “If I could offer some free advice to the NHS it’s that the public sector should do something similar. Then they’d be able to walk away with a clear conscience. Just like this, watch… Byee!”

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