UKIP clarifies “Nothing unusual, Kerry Smith is a prick about everything.”

I don’t suppose you’ve got a spare fag?

UKIP has explained that a phone call in which Kerry Smith, their South Basildon and Thurrock parliamentary candidate, made light-hearted, racist and homophobic remarks shouldn’t be taken out of context ‘because he’s always like that’.

Patrick O’Flynn, UKIP MEP, told the Evening Harold that the call had been made while Smith was sedated and not speaking or even thinking rationally. “In fact,” said O’Flynn “it was about then that Kerry joined UKIP, which rather backs up his story.”

In the call Smith referred to the party’s lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) group as “BLT UKIP, what the old poofter groups call themselves”.

Kerry Smith now says he was on “strong” medication when the private call was made some years ago although and had temporarily run out of anti-psychotics.”It’s a sad day indeed for British politics, when sincerely held private beliefs can be brought up to undermine the carefully crafted public image of a prospective MP.” said Smith, in between mouthfuls of comforting pie.

“Having said that, I’ve been told to unreservedly apologise to any poofters I’ve offended within the party and any others outside it … who else needs me to say sorry, the pikeys?”

Harold MP Spencer Chadwick spoke to our reporter today “What people get up to in their own homes is up to them. But speaking as one who takes traditional sandwiches rather seriously, I can say he’s lost a few votes in the BLT community”.