Liar liar, or flyer, flyer? Either way, Billy’s pants would be on fire.
A 26-stone villager who claimed to have completed a 185 mile bike ride on Facebook has been accused of ‘peddling a lie’.
William ‘Billy’ McKean, 42, posted a map of his route, with stats showing a completion time of 3 hours, during which he burned an astonishing 27,950 calories.
“Normally, I believe everything I read on Facebook”, said Pippa Delaney. “But then it occurred to me that Billy works up a sweat just taking his trolley back in Tesco’s car park. And also, he doesn’t own a bike.”
McKean clarified his post by stating that he used his daughter’s tricycle to complete the 62 mile-an-hour journey. He also posted a picture of himself near a tree, wearing lycra.
“That did quell my doubts for a while”, admitted Delaney. “But then I thought “where do you buy a professional cycling outfit for a small whale?’. Then I noticed his costume was the same colour as his Honda, and there were paint runs from his moobs.”
Smelling faintly of terps, McKean confronted Delaney in her restaurant, and challenged her to a race.
“I explained that my shift didn’t finish until 5, but at 3.30 he posted that he’d finished, next to a picture of a chicken. I can’t believe the wobbly twat had called me out.”
“The map of his route showed an astonishing achievement. Not only had he traveled nearly 18 miles along the Great Ouse and 5 miles up the West Coast Main Line, but somehow, he achieved this shortly after hobbling into the Squirrel Licker’s Arms.”
“I don’t know how he did it, it certainly shows some commitment. In my experience, the wifi’s crap in there.”
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