Being beheaded ‘will not silence Prince Charles’


The fruit plate

The prospect of his eventual coronation coming at a time of growing civil unrest and revolution will not stop him from intervening in national affairs, even if his head should end up being cut off and placed on a spike, Prince Charles has confirmed.

Rising public disaffection with authority and unprecedented support for republicanism are likely to combine in an explosively violent uprising in which Buckingham Palace will be stormed by the masses and those within slaughtered, the Prince has admitted, but he is adamant that he will continue to press for farmers’ rights wherever possible.

“He will be true to his beliefs and convictions,” said a palace source. “Particularly those relating to Duchies. He’s not actually aware of any actual Duchies other than that of Cornwall, but he’s going ‘balls-out’ for them anyway.”

The Prince’s decision to push for a greater political role is in sharp contrast with his mother Queen Elizabeth the Second, who has enjoyed an almost unprecedented length of time on the throne without having any bits chopped off by an enraged proletariat. But Charles is adamant that a new direction is called for.

“You can play it safe or stick your neck out,” he insisted this morning. “Nothing they can do will stop me speaking my mind. Except cut my head off, that would be a bugger, now I think about it.”

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