Harold school to allow term time holidays for ‘thick kids’


Children spend a useful hour learning how to put on jumpers.

A school in Harold is letting parents take holidays in term time, but only if their offspring aren’t ‘promising’.

Head mistress of St. Mary’s primary school Alison Lee explained that her dimmest pupils can leave any time they like, but urged parents to ‘try at least’ to clash with OFSTED inspections.

“A lot of the brighter parents come to me and say that a holiday in some far-away paradise can be educational for their children”, said Lee. “But when they come back, their maths tends not to have improved in the slightest.”

“But when the Evans’ took their pair of mouth-breathers to a caravan in Rhyll in September, our SATS predictions climbed by 7%. It was an astonishing result; on average, even their two brainless dolts have benefited. As I told Mr Evans, I knew they’d have better luck educating them.”

Dave Evans also insisted that his children could learn a lot on a family holiday. “They can now empty a chemical toilet without spilling all that much, and they’ve learned a new word for their mum when she cocks up at reading maps.”

“I also showed them how you can use a pile of useless school books to get a car out of a boggy field. For instance, if someone had been pouring the chemical toilet away next to the driven wheels.”

Mrs Lee agreed. “Money is tight for some families, especially if the parents are a bit thick. A summer holiday for them is out of the question. That’s why I’ve asked the PTA to chip in all they can, so we can send them away for longer next term.”

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