Paralysed man walks again: Iain Duncan Smith hails breakthrough in anti-scrounger technology

Iain and Iain are pleased

Iain Duncan Smith  has said that he’s “overjoyed” that a man, Darek Fidyka, who was completely paralysed can walk again after an incredible scientific breakthrough as it brings Duncan Smith’s dream of eradicating scroungers significantly closer.

“It’s wonderful news,” Duncan Smith said. “For four years a man had deliberately shirked work and selfishly run up huge costs for his care now he can walk and get back to being an honest, decent and hard-working taxpayer.”

“Scroungers beware! Technology is catching up with you and you will be found out,” Duncan Smith warned. “So let’s have no more of this serious illness that, chronic pain this and mentally or physically disabled the other thing. Rise, take up thy bed and walk until you’ve bloody well found a job.”

Duncan Smith himself remains beyond medical help as science is nowhere near to finding a way to grow empathy and understanding inside someone who has none.