Tesco have announced they are going to call in Prof. Brian Cox to investigate the appearance of a financial black hole in their finances.
He will be asked to explain in a ‘complicated physics’ way how £250m has seemingly disappeared from its profits forecast.
Speaking of the upcoming investigation, Tesco chief executive said: “It is important we explain how this black hole has occurred, and no one can make people pretend they understand black holes like Brian Cox.
“”His dashing good looks and soft Mancunian accent should also help some distract share holders from the missing £250m”
Although the investigation is in its early stages, Prof. Cox has given us an indication what could have happened
“There seems to be gravitational force stronger than a billion, billion suns creating the black hole, sucking the missing money in with the same inexplicable force that still attracts people to our Value burgers.
“If it’s not that then I think we need to look at Einstein’s theory of corporate mismanagement. That would indicate a trace of the complex chemical ‘Te5Co’ that can be used to extract morals out of business practice when mixed with money. The result is an exponential drop in the share price.”
Shareholders and traders in the City are less confident of a thorough investigation.
They have come to expect a load of bull from Tesco but once again they are being feed something completely different
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