PM backs new laws against killing people and blowing stuff up

Already wrong: about to be made wronger.

David Cameron has given his unconditional support to a new set of rules that will punish those that kill others, or try to ruin things with explosives.

The controversial new approach will give MPs the opportunity to express outrage and concern, and reassure voters that everything is very much under control.

While some radicalised critics have pointed out that murder and terrorism are already illegal under archaic rules, the prime minister insisted that shiny new laws are better than dusty old ones.

“Nothing prevents sickening carnage like rafts of new legisture”, beamed Cameron. “I have in my hand a white paper.”

Cameron acknowledged that Tony Blair and Gordon Brown had previously introduced many, many new laws, but for some reason the murders continued.

“Let me reassure the public that there’s plenty more where that came from”, he said. “My predecessors clearly didn’t pile the statute books high enough.”

While some apologists have suggested that simply enforcing existing rules would be a start, Cameron pointed out that parliament wasn’t doing much at the moment, whereas the police were quite busy.

“They’re a bit tied up at the moment, interviewing each other to find out who said something beastly about Andrew Mitchell”, he reminded a press conference. “So in the meantime, we’ll just bomb somewhere for a bit.”