Commonwealth Games extended until world’s bad stuff stops happening

Gary Lineker still presenting age 104

The BBC has announced it has come to an agreement with Glasgow 2014 organisers to extend the Commonwealth Games until all the bad stuff around the world has ended.

With planes being shot down in Ukraine and no end in sight for the Middle East conflict, The Beeb has decided it much easier to deal with wall-to-wall coverage of lawn bowls, squash and cycling than any in depth look at the many issues that look set to start WWIII. 

Tony Hall, the BBC’s director general, explained the corporation’s stance. “People seem to be enjoying the Games so why stop giving them 24 hour coverage on 8 channels, the red button and on the website just because some news is happening.

“Having a correspondent reporting on missile strikes and thousands of deaths is all a bit dreary, but top-level gymnastics can put a smile on even the most warmongering of faces. the longer it goes on the better, and hopefully if it goes on long enough, all the bad stuff will stop”

However he denied that the coverage was over the top, citing Radio 5Live as an example.

“Our main news and sport radio station has obviously had heavy coverage of the games, but we have made sure we have had the awful news from around the world crammed into a 3 minute bulletin at the top of the hour. And every half an hour we are providing full and extensive reports on the travel updates, especially for the roads around the Commonwealth games venues.”

The BBC trust have backed the BBC and said the way it was covering the games and ignoring anything bad happening outside Glasgow is good value for License Fee payers.

“Nobody wants to spend £140-a-year just to made to feel depressed,” the trust said in a statement. “That’s why schools have sports days and not an annual war report day.”

Ask how long the Commonwealth Games would be extended for, Mr Hall said he couldn’t give an exact time frame but said it would be no longer than two years, when the 2016 Olympics start.

“Then we shall give full and extensive coverage of those Games if the bad stuff hasn’t stopped. Unless of course they all start rioting again in Rio in which case we shall have uninterrupted coverage of ostriches burying their heads in the sand.”