More victims of Stylophone come forward


A sickening monster, and Rolf Harris (also a sickening monster).

Disgraced keyboard ‘The Stylophone’ could face further charges, after it was convicted this week of historic music offences.

With its clean-cut styling and friendly vibrato control, few suspected the racket it was capable of.

“I always trusted Stylophone, even though the older kids said keyboards sometimes dabbled in prog rock”, said Harold resident Dave Evans.

“I was so excited when I unwrapped it, and saw Rolf Harris’s face leering at me from the box. If I’d known what was going to happen, I’d never have put the batteries in.”

Evans told us that the Stylophone seemed approachable enough at first, but then its little stylus flopped out. “The instruction book told me that if I rubbed it how it said, we’d make beautiful music together.”

“But that wasn’t the case at all, I knew immediately that what the Stylophone was doing was wrong. Just the sound of a neighbour strangling a cat is enough to bring the terrible memories flooding back.”

Since that incident, Evans hasn’t been able to listen to another synthesizer. The ’80s were particularly tough for him.

“I just want to see justice done”, said Evans. “Someone in the company must have heard what it was up to but our complaints fell on deaf ears. Actually, that would explain why they launched it in the first place.”

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