Relief as Britain found to be less racist than France

This man is bankrupt and very recently unemployed. It’s okay, we laughed too.

There was relief in Harold this morning as the European election results confirmed one thing: the UK is officially less racist than France. In France the Front National party won the election while on this side of the channel voters decided they’d had enough of fascists and the BNP lost both its seats.

“I’m not sure about the rest of the results,” said pensioner Tom Stalling. “Seems to me it’s too easy to call Ukip racists especially in a village like this where the last mass immigration was the Vikings. We’re not at the pointy end of it and it seems to be getting more pointy every day. On the other hand that Nick Griffin’s an absolute shit and the French have always been a shower of bastards.”

“Fascists no longer representing any part of the UK is great,” enthused local businesswoman Sally Kettle. “I know that much but the other results scare me to be honest. It seems that all the main parties have turned into the same mass of flavourless, over-privileged weirdies so I understand why people are voting for parties and politicians that seem to have personality. But standing out isn’t always a good thing, that’s how you end up with the Kardashians, and Mister Blobby.”

“I don’t know what’s going to happen or what should happen,” support worker Mark Keen told us. “Think I’m just going to enjoy the moment the BNP were kicked out of British politics and maybe have a giggle at the fate of lying party leaders called Nick.”