It was believed wrecked and lost forever but now a powerful symbol of what the United States of America can be has been found. Barack Obama’s integrity, something that dazzled the world for a few months in 2008 and 2009 has been discovered by archaeologists buried off the coast of Haiti.
“This is an astonishing find,” said project leader Barry Clifford. “People said that we’d never see Obama’s integrity again but here it is.”
Buried under drone strikes, mass incarceration and the continued existence of Guantanamo Bay, the President’s integrity is in such bad condition that Clifford has doubts that it will ever be raised from the sea floor.
“There’s very little substance left,” Clifford said. “Our first priority is to conserve and protect what’s there. Perhaps there will be something salvageable but it’s early days.”
If it makes it out of its resting place then Obama’s integrity will go on display at the Washington Museum of Presidential Curios and take its place alongside George W. Bush’s interpretation of Christianity and Bill Clinton’s left-wing credentials.