Why do Harold Mums know best – because I said so, that’s why.


Dietary advice not well received by parents

The National Association of Head Teachers (NAHT) is  issuing advice to parents about how to keep their children happy, news which has angered some in the local community. “Tell your children you love them, keep them clean, and let them help with exotic cooking” are some of the patronising tips which will appear in a leaflet to be sent home with parents.

We spoke to a local parents Dane and Daphne Newton at their home. Dane was certainly sceptical of the guidance. “Heads need to trust parents more. I know what’s best for my kids. For instance they don’t need to shower every day, cos  your body naturally cleans itself, everyone knows that. LeBron hasn’t had a bath for two weeks and smells like a Frenchman, which will be great for the school multicultural evening next week. ”

Daphne went on: “They cook their own meals most days, and it doesn’t get much more exotic than Sweet & Sour Pot Noodle. I do shout at them sometimes, but that’s because they’re little sh*ts. And I’m constantly reassuring Trudy of my complete indifference for her. What the hell do headteachers know about anything anyway?”

The  guidance was criticised yesterday as further evidence of the ‘nanny state’. However the government are backing the advice and deny the accusation. In a public statement today a government spokesman said “Nanny state? Don’t be so silly. You don’t need to worry about that, here have a chocolate and run off to play while we decide whether the big boys at Pfizer should be allowed to spend their pocket money on AstraZeneca.”

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