With potential Ukip members now being asked to make sure they have no ‘skeletons in their closets’, museums up and down the UK are preparing for an unprecedented amount of new artifacts to display.
The new rules for potential candidates includes declarations such as “I have never been engaged in… racist activity”, “I do not have any skeletons in the cupboard”, and “I have never, in any way, acted like Godfrey Bloom”.
This move by the party has led to the hurried emptying of closets that has left the Harold Natural History Museum inundated with artifacts to add to its otherwise mundane collection.
“When people think of natural history museums they tend to think of dinosaurs and Egyptian mummies,” Tony Heman, Curator of Ancient Fossils at the museum told us.
“However our collection isn’t that impressive. Although it has brought in many visitors over the years, the excitement of a duck skeleton has started to wear off and is unlikely to peak again until it is no longer covered in skin and feathers when he eventually dies.
“But this decision by Ukip has seen us take in a huge number of skeletons from ex-BNP membership, sexism, and many other generally bigoted artifacts.”
Nigel Farage has said he is glad to be helping museums this way. “It is of benefit to both parties” he explained, “the museums get thousands of skeletons to publicly display and we get to show that we, as a political party, have changed.
“I for one am happy about that; as long as they are only going to British museums for British people to enjoy. We don’t want Johnny Foreigner coming over here to our museums getting all the benefits, as usual.”
He then went on to warn party members that to ensure the country is not hit by more terrible floods, skeletons are the only things allowed to come out of the closet.
Proudly showing off his new collection, kept to the far right of the museum, Mr Heman pointed out the defining feature common in all of the Ukip skeletons.
“If you look closely at this one pictured in a Nazi uniform, and this one that before coming to us had spent many years at Her Majesty’s pleasure, you’ll notice they both have one thing in common,” he said, taking a magnifying glass to an area between the top of the arm and the collar bone.
“They all, without exception, seem to have a chip on their shoulder”