HMS Prince of Wales: calls for new aircraft carrier to be given a well-hard name instead

Wouldn’t evil-doers be more scared if this was the HMS Phil Mitchell?

In an exclusive interview Admiral Michael Dearlove told the Evening Harold that the name of one of the Royal Navy’s two new aircraft carriers is having a detrimental effect on morale.

“The first ship is called HMS Queen Elizabeth,” he said. “Now no one has any problems with that. Her Majesty was quite a fox in her day and served in the British Army during the Second World War even now I think it’s fair to say that she often has a look in her eye which tells you that in a fight she’d wouldn’t mess around and would go straight for the eyes and the balls.”

“Unfortunately the other aircraft carrier has been named HMS Prince of Wales and there are many of us in the Senior Service who don’t believe that this is a suitable name for a 300m vessel with a displacement of 70,000 tonnes and a four acre flight deck whose very purpose is to intimidate and deliver overwhelming force in combat situations. We want a name that makes people afraid not think of talking to plants and flogging over-priced biscuits.”

An official poll amongst Royal Navy personnel has so far indicated that popular choices for a new name include HMS Danny Dyer, HMS Mixed Grill and HMS Scouse Hen Night.

However the name with the most votes so far may mean the Royal Navy would run into trouble over copyright it they succeed in getting the Ministry of Defence to allow them to use it. The new aircraft carrier will not be operational until at least 2020 so we will all have to wait for some years before finding out if HMS Grand Theft Auto V will ever take to the waves.