Village divided over kitten antics


Cute or extreme threat to village safety?

Mister Super Paws the kitten who spends his days being adorable in the window of Lacrymans & Co estate agents on the High Street has divided the village of Harold with his adorable antics.

“Thing is,” said Doris Kettle. “It’s obvious that Mister Super Paws loves playing with his rainbow coloured fish toy the most and anyone who says that that’s not true and he prefers his pink ball with a bell in it is a heretic.”

Tensions are running high between the self-annointed Fishers and Tinklies with PC Flegg being called out several times to quell a running battle on the recreation ground as people fought over who was interpreting Mister Super Paw’s behaviour correctly.

‘Obviously it’s the ball,’ one of the more prominent Tinklies, Mick Clarkson told us. “Anyone who can’t accept this should be punished and be banned from looking at Him as should women and gays just cos.”

“They’ve all gone bloody mad,” said Tom Stalling. “I’m not a Fisher or a Tinklie, truth be told I don’t even like cats but you can’t say that round here because then both sides go off on one. I feel like Harold’s being made more stupid and dangerous and I want my village back.”

Local vicar Rev Tansy Forster appealed for calm. “I’m hoping both sides can see that they have more in common with each other than they think and stop fixating on what divides them. After all they all love Mister Super Paws and that’s a start.”

“There is so much good in the world. Just today Mumford & Sons announced that they are going on indefinite hiatus – the news doesn’t get much better than that. So the people of Harold need to remember what’s good about themselves and hopefully we can all just get along.”

However a new threat to peace in Harold has emerged with the placing of puppy in the window of Sally’z Cut’z hairdressers and beauty salon. A small but growing crowd has already been seen stood on the pavement being charmed by its sweetness and some are saying that it is cutest when it yawns while others are saying that it is cutest when it is asleep…

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