Di Canio pleased he bought entire North East supply of piano wire

Paulo Di Canio, the Italian firebrand and fan of Benito Mussolini, said he has mixed feelings after being sacked by Sunderland FC.

“Obviously I am unhappy with being sacked, but my decision to buy all the piano wire in North East England is looking genius.”

Di Canio, who doesn’t play the piano, said he first realised his position was under threat when 30 strong groups of Sunderland fans started surrendering to lone policemen.

“It was clear the fans had lost their bottle, our chances of invading North Africa were pretty slim if we couldn’t slightly alarm the likes of Crystal Palace and West Bromwich Albion.”

Di Canio blamed Sunderland’s predicament on a lack of support in the transfer market.

“I was promised a bunch of German strikers, and an elite Panzer division to control the midfield, but nothing eventuated. The Premier League is a war and you can’t win it on spaghetti and fascist rhetoric alone, although Jose Mourinho is giving it a go.”

Di Canio said he wasn’t about to abandon England, but after the stress of the Sunderland manager job he was looking for something easier.

“I’ve been offered a job to manage London’s trains running on time – how hard can that be, just set a timetable and shout at any staff who don’t stick to it? Worst comes to the worst, I bring in Sir Alex Ferguson to throw shoes at them.”