Apple name new smartwatch the iTwatBangle

Why not save yourself some money and simply wear a badge with 'I'm an arse' printed on it?

Why not save yourself some money and simply wear a badge with ‘I’m an arse’ printed on it?

At a glitzy press conference held at their campus in Cupertino, California the CEO of Apple Tim Cook took to the stage to announce that Apple’s forthcoming smartwatch will be called the iTwatBangle.

“We’ve looked at our existing products, analysed the market and we’ve created something that people are going to fall in love with,” Cook told reporters.

“The key to the iTwatBangle’s appeal is its simplicity. You’ll meet someone wearing one and with just a single glance get all the information you need to know that that person is a twat.”

“This product comes loaded with features which our average buyer won’t be able to stop themselves from telling not just friends and family but even a stranger stood near them in an elevator or a coffee shop queue all about.”

“If you thought iPhone bores were bad then you ain’t seen nothing yet.”

“Our aim with the iTwatBangle is to give the world something that takes communication and human interaction to the next level by cutting down on them and saving us all time. We’ve done this by creating a gaudy toy and charging hundreds of dollars for it allowing the wearer to project the clear image that they are highly suggestible and cripplingly insecure which lets everyone they encounter instantly know all they need to know.”

Cook was swift to deny that the iTwatBangle is incredibly similar to Apple’s arch rival Microsft’s Dingus-Bracelet.

“Ours is more expensive,” he assured potential customers. “And if you’re the sort of person who is going to buy one of these things then that’s literally all that matters.”

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