David Moyes still trying to sign Spanish midfielders

I’ll give you £30m for Fabregas. No? Ok, £28m.

Over twelve hours after the transfer window closed it has emerged that David Moyes is still sat in his office making futile attempts to sign midfielders from Spain’s La Liga.

Having failed in an early summer bid to sign Thiago Alcantara from Barcelona, the new Manchester United manager turned his attention to failing to land Cesc Fabregas. After successfully seeing a number of bids rejected he then moved on to Ander Herrera from Athletic Bilbao, before turning in a late bid for Sami Khedira, and then going back to concentrating on Herrera not joining.

“David is still sat there sending faxes and emails to a number of increasingly bemused Spanish clubs.” confirmed a member of staff at Old Trafford, “He has got himself a list of all the La Liga squads and is going through finding midfielders and then sending bids in. I think he might have cracked under the pressure of the new job. He’s just emailed through a £25m bid for Andres Iniesta.”

Although staff at the Premier League champions are concerned about Moyes’ erratic behaviour there have so far been no volunteers to try and explain to him that he is wasting his time.

“There aren’t that many left now that he hasn’t bid for so we’re tempted to just let him burn himself out, there are a couple of weeks until our next match anyway. Hold on, he’s just sent through a ten million pound bid for Javi Flores from Elche, I’ve never even heard of him. I’m going to have to put a stop to this just in case he finds a way to get that one through.”

After it was patiently explained to Moyes that he was going to have to wait until January now before he could start again on trying to strengthen his squad he finally emerged from his office looking tired and bewildered.

“Is this true? I can’t send any more bids until January? Oh, ok. I guess I’d better go and get some sleep then.” said the clearly deflated ex-Everton boss.

“I’ll give you thirty million for Sergio Busquets.” He added, before being gently lead away.