Diana death probe: Elvis emerges as prime suspect

Sensational evidence has emerged that Elvis Presley was responsible for the death of Princess Diana, and that his paymasters were big pharmaceutical companies eager to silence Diana’s views on conventional medicine.

In what will be seen as an embarrassment to the original investigating officers, it appears that obvious clues were missed such as a 70s jumpsuit, a tub of brylcreem, and 15 jars of peanut butter. A re-examination of CCTV evidence showed that a street sweeper known only as “Sivle” smeared a brylcreem and peanut butter concoction at the entrance of the tunnel causing Diana’s vehicle to slide uncontrollably and then crash.

Scotland Yard detectives say that the breakthrough happened when they were on an overseas training course at the Texas School Book Depository.

“We were staring out the 6th story window at the grassy knoll when we saw an Elvis billboard just behind it. We suddenly realised that “Sivle” was Elvis spelt backwards and it all started to make sense” said Chief Inspector Hamish Evans.

“We checked the 8th story of the Book Depository and found a makeshift prison where the US Government had held Elvis for years due to him learning the moon landings were faked at a concert he gave at Area 51.”

“After de-programming was complete, Elvis, or “Sivle”, was released and then fell into the clutches of big pharma, who were concerned that Diana’s interest in natural remedies meant she would speak out about the evils of modern medicine and cause their share prices to crash which could in turn threaten the entire New World Order” said Evans.

Despite the breakthrough, it seems Elvis will never be brought to justice due to Prince Philip buying him a surprise gift of a trip to New York on 11 September 2001.

When asked to comment on the surprising turn of events, Mohamed Al-Fayed said he was “over the moon” before clarifying he that was still really interested in the JFK assassination.