US Marines invade Snowdonia National Park

He won't last five minutes in Porthmadog come closing time

He won’t last five minutes in Porthmadog come closing time

In a surprise move last night the 1st Battalion 6th Marines launched a full scale assault on Snowdonia involving the setting up of a beachhead on the coast roughly three miles south of Llandwrog for the landing of additional troops.

Official sources were initially alerted when locals reported seeing bright lights in the sky. These were quickly followed by more reports of shouting and shots being fired. Helen Brice, 54, who had been out walking her dog told us. “It was all very exciting. One minute it was just me and Bingo the next I was surrounded by all these soldiers. They were shouting at me and demanding to know where the traitor was. It was scary but one of them sounded just like Morgan Freeman so I quickly calmed down due to his incredibly soothing voice.”

At a press conference U.S Ambassador, Barbara J. Stephenson explained that the full scale invasion of North Wales was due to a simple misunderstanding. “While we thought we were attacking Edward Snowden, a six foot tall evil and manipulative traitor who will be brought to justice no matter what the cost, what we actually did was assault Mount Snowdon, a three thousand five hundred-and-sixty foot tall mountain with just the cutest little teashop.” She apologised profusely on behalf of the government of the United States and in compensation has offered to buy everyone in Wales a hot dog.

When asked whether this was enough Mrs Brice summed up the feelings of the country by saying, “Well, there’s lovely.”

Fortunately there were no casualties during the invasion, though when informed of the mistake LtCol. Paul C. Merida, Commanding Officer of the first battalion, did kick a cat.

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