Westboro Baptist Church modernise by allowing gay clergy

The controversial religious cult, the Westboro Baptist Church, have announced a set of reforms aimed at modernising the church and improving its public image. Although they have stopped short of banning incest and the brainwashing of children, they have come out and agreed to allow gay clergy.

The notoriously homophobic group have until now been bitterly against same-sex relationships, preaching their hatred with their infamous banners whilst protesting at military installations, schools and at the funerals of fallen soldiers. However in a bid to rebuild numbers in their church, the church’s founder Pastor Fred Phelps has decided to get right behind the gay community.

“Since forming in 1955 we have been against ‘fags’, as we have insisted on calling them “ Pastor Phelps told reporters. “But one of the joys of running a small church is that I can change the rules when I like. So I spoke to God, because he talks to people like me, and he agrees that gay people are not as bad as I once thought”.

“I know we have always worked hard to misinterpret the Bible, but as people leave us and our number begin to dwindle, it is only right we misinterpret another bit to become more inclusive. So from now on I will ‘love my fellow man’, literally, and allow them to preach in my church”

The church has often been mocked for their backwards views and selective use of the Bible’s texts. They have also generated a lot of hate towards them with their provocative and largely incorrect banners. However their new charm offensive has seen slogans such as ‘God hates fags’ replaced with ‘we double checked and God loves fags now and so do we’.

Pastor Phelps has also agreed that, despite his previous preachings, it is unlikely that same-sex relationships are behind some recent disasters like Hurricane Sandy, the devastating tornado in Oklahoma and George Bush.

“We may have been wrong to blame gay people for those things, especially George Bush, but we are now trying to make up for our hatred by allowing something that the main churches do not allow” Pastor Phelps continued, “and if this goes well, we may start tapping into the atheist market. I have already asked God if atheists are views are right, but so far had no reply, which is a little worrying”.