Fear as village buzzed by military drones

The new summer pest that’s harder to ignore than midges.

Harold was plunged into fear and confusion last night when it was repeatedly buzzed by military drones. “It was horrible,’ said villager, Carly Jeffery. ‘I was in the beer garden of the Squirrel Lickers and suddenly there were these massive planes swooping down on us. They were so low that some people got disorientated and fell over. Or that could have been due to the guest ale. I’m not sure Toss Goblin agreed with many people, it was pretty strong.”

After repeatedly circling and descending on the village the drones disappeared leaving a trail of disruption in their wake that saw llamas escaping from the animal sanctuary and going on the rampage across the recreation ground, soufflé’s collapsing in Veggie! Veggie! Veggie! and reports of serious unrest coming from the dogging community.

Captain Nick Stalling of Bravo Company, Harold’s own Territorial Army company which makes up part of Royal Dunstable Regimental Rifle Platoon, said that the incident took place due to an equipment mix-up.

“The TA fights alongside the regular army and as such it is vital that we train with the same kit and the focus is increasingly on the use of drones. Unfortunately due to a comms error at the supply depot instead of being issued with Black Hornet mini-copters which are hand-launched drones the size of a fat kitten, we were instead given eleven metre long Reapers that come equipped with Hellfire missiles and laser-guided bombs.”

“Quite amusing really. Reminds me of the time we were on a weekend yomp in Brecon and it turned out some numpty had put decaf-coffee in the ration packs. The boys trained hard and there was some good banter about the mix-up afterwards so for us it was a win.”

One villager, Akram Behzad, who is seeking asylum in the UK having fled persecution in Afghanistan found the sight of drones in the sky over his adopted home a moving occasion.

“It was strange,’ he said. “At first  it made me think about US drones and of being at my cousin’s wedding but when the drones last night didn’t fire any missiles on us the comparison faded.”

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