Theresa May’s vision of it always being Tories but never Christmas has been dealt a stunning blow as a new poll revealed that fifty-six percent of voters are planning on voting Womble in 2020. Many of those polled cited the Wombles’ ability to clean up Wimbledon Common and make good use of the things that they find without messing it up, going massively over-budget, selling most of it to overseas shell companies or employing George Osborne as especially appealing. Continue reading
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Nigel Farage is insisting that under Brexit the UK’s favourite mostly immigrant litter-picking team will lose access to their Wimbledon Common home.
“This is a furry swarm of unskilled economic migrants who’ve arrived uninvited in this country and have made no effort to integrate with British society,” Farage said. “They’ve come from as far away as China and the Amazon basin to take advantage of our benefits system and our way of life. Especially the part where decent Brits enjoy covering their country in rubbish which is our right and one we fought WWII to uphold.” Continue reading
Now the tennis is over the Wombles are struggling to give the All England Club a post-tournament clean due to cutbacks.
“The government said we had to become a profit-making service,” said spokeswomble Tobermory. “Wombles work as a team, Wombles are tidy and Wombles are clean but since we were forced to stop volunteering and make coin we’ve been shafted right up the Harry Hamster.” Continue reading