Though his government have given her an honourary damehood William Hague is no closer to sleeping with Angelina Jolie.
“I don’t want to,” said the Foreign Secretary. “I totally respect her as woman and a human rights advocate and all that. Is she pretty? Can’t say I’ve noticed.”
“Ms Jolie is being rewarded for her campaigning for women’s rights,” Hague said. “I find it offensive that anyone would think that’s not true and that the real reasons are because she’s gorgeous, and a terribly unpopular government is seeking to sprinkle itself with stardust. That’s nonsense. We’re politicians, not bronies.”
Hague was last seen on his fourteenth pint of lager telling strangers he couldn’t see what all the fuss over Brad Pitt was about because women prefer shiny foreheads and warmongering to good looks.