How much would you pay to avoid hours of this?
Harold teenager and wheelchair user Simon Delaney, 17, has been banned from Chronicles of Narnia inspired theme park Six Beavers over Dunstable after it emerged that he had been hiring himself out to families who didn’t want to queue up for rides having copied the idea from news reports about similar scams happening at Disneyland in Florida.
“At Six Beavers visitors who use mobility aides such as wheelchairs or motorised scooters can use an alternate entrance to some rides and every so often we stop the main queue to allow them onto the ride itself,” said a spokesperson for the park. “And this young man has been wholeheartedly abusing that scheme.” Continue reading
At an emotional press conference, Simon Delaney only recently appointed as Harold’s youth police commissioner, has apologised for the series of violent, racist and homophobic drawings that he had left on the village hall’s walls in full view of the high street.
Sporting an atrocious haircut, a contrite but slightly smirking Delaney said, “I hadn’t realised people could be offended so easily. This is useful information which I will bear in mind in the future.”
Under questioning, a tearful PC Anita Flegg defended Delaney saying “This is a cock and bull story that has got out of hand. Simon was the outstanding candidate, especially since being in a wheelchair; he meets all of our quota requirements.”
Filed under Crime, Culture
Impressive but could he stop an old woman from stealing cat food?
A young Haroldian is claiming that he was turned down for a job as a security guard at the Harold branch of Tesco Express because he uses a wheelchair. Referring to himself as an “extreme sitter” Simon Delaney (17) says that he would be much more effective in the role than the current incumbent, William McKean.
‘Have you seen the state of that fat bastard?’ A furious Delaney demanded. ‘What’s he going to do when he sees someone shoplifting? Sweat at them until they stop? I’m rolling twice as fast as a man can sprint. No one’s getting away from me, it’s not happening. McKean’s about as much use as tits on a fish.’ Continue reading