Apple’s latest phone will quietly improve social media, by ‘neutralising’ anyone that attempts to record video in portrait mode.
Speaking at a launch where some people were still pointing their phones up while recording, Apple’s CEO Dave Jobs (check this) tutted and slowly shook his head.
“Have you morons never seen a TV?”, he asked, “Look, our phones and tablets even look like little tellies. That’s a clue, dummies: which way round is that 48-inch flatscreen in your house?”
Using a simple tilt sensor and two convenient electrodes, the iPhone 6S will efficiently ‘take out’ users who waste the edges on ‘You’ve Been Framed’.
“I love that show”, said Jobs(?), “But I want the kitten to fill the whole screen when it does something adorable. Not just a strip in the middle, you mindless, selfish a-hole.”
A man has had the emotional experience of seeing his three-year-old son in the flesh for the first time. The emotional reunion came as the man’s ipad unexpectedly run out of power.
“From the moment he popped his head into this world, I have proudly captured every moment of his life on my iPad, no matter how silly I looked filming on a tablet” the man told us.
Filed under Culture, News
With modern technology changing our viewing habits, the Jeffery family from Harold have made the decision to release this year’s holiday video straight to Netflix.
“Over the years, people are showing less and less interest in viewing the ‘Jeffery Family Holiday’ video at the scheduled broadcast time” Ms Jeffery explained.
“At first I thought they were trying to send us a hint that maybe they weren’t that interested, but after a bit of research I found out most people like to view things on demand now. That explains why nobody turned up last year, or the year before that.”