Lineker, wearing his helmet.
In a coup for the corporation, the BBC has managed to beat off some stiff competition, and retain the rights to pocket billiards.
Despite facing the loss of football, Formula 1, rugby, cricket, MotoGP, the boat race, the Grand National, darts and snooker, pocket billiards remains firmly in Auntie’s grasp.
“They’ve asked me to do they commentary”, said Gary Lineker, while jingling some change.”It’s not my speciality, but I think I can pull it off.”
Rooney is on a roll.
Sir Richard Branson has stolen a lead on media rivals, after securing exclusive rights to the footballers’ leavings.
“Laying a cable is something our firm was founded on”, said Branson. “We promise our viewers they’ll see every juddering headshaker, every sweating push, and all in slow motions.”
With watching actual football now deemed way beyond even a billionaire’s pockets, Branson admitted he himself could no longer afford to watch The Beautiful Game.
“Rather than settle for rights to the likes of Hartlepool United or any of the other ‘bottom’ clubs, we’ve thought ‘outside the box’and secured exclusive footage straight from the tunnel.”