Despite claims of voter intimidation and errors with counting, Vladimir Putin looks set to seize power in Tower Hamlets.
Some voters have complained to the council that polling booths were manned by an unmarked militia, brandishing AK-47s and pamphlets about baby oil and topless communism.
Winning Tower Hamlets could be a way for Russia to bypass sanctions on key personnel, once they move into the notorious shit hole and decorate it to look ‘more like Chechnya’.
Filed under News, Politics
Not struggling with a shirt will give Rooney more time to focus on his shoelaces.
England’s football team has reacted angrily to the £90 price tag on their shirts, and are threatening to appear at the World Cup in ‘skins’.
With money tight for the average Premiership footballer, many in the squad feel they have no choice but to play topless in Brazil later this year.
Star striker Wayner Rooney wasn’t impressed with the new design. ‘They’ve not even spelled ‘England’ right on mine, but the teacher has still given it a gold star’ said a clearly angry Wayne.
Roy Hodgson later pointed out to him that it actually said ‘Rooney’. ‘I knowed that’ said the player. ‘Am we playing for Rooney now?’
Filed under Business, Sport