He’s barely broken a sweat.
The art of Tai Chi body movement may be very gradually evolving into PE. That’s the claim in a new scientific paper, jointly written by an expert in Darwinism and a PE teacher from Harold.
“Evolution is a very slow process at the best of times,” said Dr Joan Mirror, “so when you’re dealing with the evolution of something as slow as Tai Chi, you’re probably looking at hundreds of millions of years before the hallmarks of PE begin to emerge.”
The negative vibes were too much for some.
Following last night’s confrontation between the Love ‘n’ Peace Gang from Chiggley Moor Lane West and the Buddhist Boys of Chiggley Moor Lane East, more outbreaks of bad vibes and tutting incidents have been reported in nearby areas of Harold today.
Last night’s face-to-face occurred at the Chiggley Moor Lane Central mini-roundabout in a dispute over territorial boundaries, resulting in slightly raised voices and someone saying ‘well, poo to you, then’ before they went their ways, hushing and whispering.
But the situation escalated today when a mob of Make Tea Not War Warriors set up camp on the corner of Chapel Street, provokingly close to the headquarters of the Flower Power Division of the League of Hippies. ‘Looks like heading for an exchange of frowns for an hour or two,’ tweeted nearby resident Melanie Delaney, soon followed by the ominous update ‘Both sides unrolling yoga mats.’
There followed a battle of minds as both teams first tried to out-meditate the other. The Make Tea warriors then put on a nicely-choreographed display of basic T’ai Chi positions before the Hippies retaliated by pulling out a folk guitar and launching an endless whining protest song from the sixties. By the 14th chorus, the Warriors had had enough and disappeared to put the kettle on.
‘They’re a blooming nuisance, these peace gangs,’ said local pensioner Tom Stalling. ‘They come anywhere near me with leaflets, I’m turning my hearing aid off.’
Home Secretary Theresa May has promised a full crackdown on extremist gangs of fundamental neo-pacifists with the launch of Operation Softly Softly Mr Softy. ‘Officers from the Met are being specially trained in the use of throat singing,’ she told the House, ‘and will soon be ready to move in, armed with Rescue Remedy Spray, patchouli oil and their own version of a neck massage.’