In an embarrassing admission by the British government, it has become clear that the UK is still selling arms to Russia, however firm assurances over their use have been received from Vladimir Putin by way if a ‘pinky promise’.
Speaking of his first meaningful action as foreign secretary, Philip Hammond explained he flew to Russia over night to get the pinky promise from Putin.
Crimewatch ‘very keen’ to recreate scenes from sale frenzy.
A ‘sale frenzy’ in a local chocolatiers that led to 14 arrests has been attributed to an undiagnosed diabetic.
‘Brown Dollops’ of Harold, purveyors of novelty chocolate excretions, opened their doors to a rowdy crowd of shoppers at 9am this morning only to have to close them again at 9.22.
“It was bedlam”, said shop assistant Diane Orrocks. “There were at least 7 customers jostling to be served first. That’s as many punters as there are days in a week”, lending proof to manager Brian Oswald’s claim that Orrocks is a keen amateur mathematician.
Managers at the Daily Mail have become concerned about fall in sales of their newspaper. The decline has been blamed on both the reduction in pornographic magazines in newsagents and the ones that are left being wrapped in plastic.
“Sales have dropped by 62% since people have lost the ability to hide their copy of the Daily Mail in a porn mag” said Paul Dacre, editor of the Daily Mail. “It seems that although many things are not as taboo as they used to be, being seen in public with a copy of the Mail will never be socially acceptable.”