Decline in Daily Mail sales blamed on reduction of adult magazines in stores

dailymail460 copyManagers at the Daily Mail have become concerned about fall in sales of their newspaper. The decline has been blamed on both the reduction in pornographic magazines in newsagents and the ones that are left being wrapped in plastic.

“Sales have dropped by 62% since people have lost the ability to hide their copy of the Daily Mail in a porn mag” said Paul Dacre, editor of the Daily Mail. “It seems that although many things are not as taboo as they used to be, being seen in public with a copy of the Mail will never be socially acceptable.”

Despite the problem, there have been some stalwart readers that refuse to give up their daily dose of news from a perspective that is slightly right of Nigel Farage. This has seen the police receive a huge increase of complaints about the inappropriate material being displayed in public places including buses, trains and GP receptions across the country.

In the worst case, one school has said some of it male students were caught reading a copy they found in a bush outside the school. “We don’t think they have been affected too much by what they have seen on those pages” the headmaster said, “although one of them has developed an opinion on everything that usually involves blaming foreigners.”

With most people not happy openly carrying their copy of the Mail to the shop counter without the security blanket of ‘Readers’ Wives’ being wrapped around it, especially if there is a pretty lady serving, evidence shows that people are being forced to get their ‘fix’ online.

There has been a lot of criticism about the increasing amount of Mail anger freely available online with explicit and offensive headlines next to pictures of a half-dressed Kardashian. A spokesman for the ‘Child Exploitation and Online Protection’ centre (CEOP) warned parents “if you walk into your child’s room and find them looking at pornography, we recommend you check they have no other tabs open in the background that may have the Mail Online running.”

We have tried to speak to an ‘out’ Daily Mail reader, but they have become increasingly difficult to find since ‘swivel-eyed loons’ stopped coming out in public, however one person we spoke to, who quite rightly wished to remain anonymous, did give us a comment. They told us angrily “aaaaaggggrrrrrrhhhhhhhh”.

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