“The chicks love red”
Roman Catholics are reeling this morning, after revelations that a well-known Polish Pope’s bestie was what the Vatican is describing simply as ‘a woman’.
“No cock, no balls either.” agreed Vatican chief press officer, Federico Lombardi, who admitted he was baffled by the concept of friendship between two people of different genders.
“Nothing down there at all, as far, as we could tell, so obviously there was no sexual activity.”
“In any event, she was an adult, so we’re really struggling to find a motivation for the two liking each other”
Filed under News, Religion
St. Charles Borromeo, Patron Saint of bishops. Comfort for Bishop McNamee; potential pub quiz winning knowledge for you
The Roman Catholic Bishop of Dunstable has issued ‘a sincere apology’ after recent reports of priestly sexual rummaging. “We have to put our hands up over this truly awful behaviour,” said Bishop Stanislaus McNamee, admitting the church is still struggling to come to terms with news that a local priest has been in a consensual, heterosexual relationship with an unmarried woman from another parish.
The woman has made no complaint and the matter only came to light after the couple were seen spending time together on various activities, including charity work, bird-watching and having a pint of ale at the Squirrel Lickers Arms. McNamee is particularly upset that couple have broken no criminal statute.
“That can’t be right, can it? Why isn’t there a law about this? Clearly we’ll have to have a full enquiry, leaving no stone unturned. However, as things stand – and I know this will be shocking to many in church leadership – it seems their sexual congress routinely involved the use of a penis, a vagina and a condom.” Continue reading
Pope attributes his softening to age.
Pope Francis has revealed a softening on the Vatican’s homosexual position, insisting ‘you shouldn’t knock it until you’ve at least given it a try’.
Reflecting changing views in society and a new, more fluffy form of catholicism, the 266th Pope admitted he was partial to the odd ‘pink pound’.
“It’s a question of balance and including as many people as possible”, suggested His Holiness. “I’d be glad to be gay, although I draw the line at letting someone pop it in.”