The chill out zone in the athletes village
The IOC has bowed to pressure from the World Health Authority and agreed to move the Summer Olympics from Rio to a small pub in rural England.
“The Squirrel Lickers Arms is the best location we could find at such short notice,” said Thomas Bach, head of the International Olympic Committee. “Eddie the landlord has assured us that the garden is big enough for all the races as long as the athletes are good at doing a one-eighty every thirty paces and the ‘Kidz Indoor Funland’ has all the soft surfaces needed for gymnastics.” Continue reading
Squirrel also assaulted PC Flegg.
A pub in Harold has been vandalised by a ‘drunk squirrel’, which went on to clone a credit card and watch pornography.
The incident was discovered by the landlord of the Squirrel Lickers Arms, after he returned from a mushroom exploring course in the woods.
“Yeah, it was definitely a squirrel, and it was off its head”, said Eddie. “The little scamp had eaten all the peanuts, and accidentally knocked a beer tap to ‘on’.”
“Then it apparently opened a bottle of wine, using its little squirrel hands to operate a cork screw. And then it made an electronic copy of my credit card, and watched some appalling filth.”
It fell off the roof so we thought we’d find a use for it. Not sure what happened to the fork, sorry about that.
The general public has finally grown tired of having food served to them on a chopping board, or what looks suspiciously like a roof tile, and have pleaded with restaurants to get over whatever issue they have with plates and start using them again.
The last restaurant to serve a main course on traditional crockery did so in 2011 and since then it has been wooden blocks and building materials all the way. Customers are now pointing out that plates, specifically designed for serving food on, complete with handy curvature to stop the food falling off, do the job perfectly well. Some in the restaurant business are not convinced though. Continue reading
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