A post office in Harold is under imminent threat of closure – at least if the neighbours have their say.
Long a magnet to fat, sweet-craving children and people with inconclusively sized envelopes, the post office has been a thorn in the side of the local community for years.
“Some days, you can’t move for the queue of two or three pensioners bickering over who’s knees hurt the most”, complained farmer Dave Evans. “I have to threaten them with a muck thrower just to get to the e-cig shop.”
A detached dwelling with three bedrooms, the post office is located centrally in the village: a village with precious little housing for young families.
“That’s why it should become an estate agents”, said Evans. “They could then sell the post box to a bunch of twats from London. Once they’ve moved in, I can sell them organic sausages for 30 quid each.”
A village post office has been criticised for its ‘draconian behaviour’ after having an elderly customer clamped and removed for spending too much time chatting as she drew her pension.
Eye witness, Dave Zhou, was in a long queue behind pensioner Elsie Duggan when the clampers moved into action. “The old dear at the front of the queue had been deep in conversation at the counter for ages when an alarm sounded and two men in hi-viz grubby overalls stormed in and clamped her walking frame. Then they lifted her onto a trolley and wheeled her out of the building. The last I saw was them hoisting her onto the back of a truck by crane.” Continue reading
Chance to buy recently spoiled piece of history
A post box that appeared on a bridge across the Thames has been sold off to developers for £650k. With river views, a traditional design and easy access to the road just above it, the post box conversion is already the subject of a bidding war.
“When we first saw that there was a piece of social history in Sonning that hadn’t been despoiled yet, we just had to get our cheque book out”, exclaimed builder Jeremy Castle.
“It’s just the sort of impractical, showy design that a twat from London will pay big money for”, explained Castle. “There’s even plenty of space to park a Range Rover, if you gain access through the sunroof and remember to never open the doors.”