Alan Rusbridger: Guardian editor
Flamboyant artist Alan Rusbridger has admitted that the Guardian newspaper is merely a performance art piece that got way out of control.
“I never imagined it would be so popular,” said Rusbridger. “All we do is troll our readers by insisting that everything but everything is sexist and racist and claiming to love the Lib Dems.” Continue reading
Sometimes we pretend not to notice. Other times, we compliment their clothes. But you can’t hide forever from the ugly truth right in front of you: Guardian journalists are suffering NOW from Shit Hair.
For just £5 a month, a volunteer hairdresser will pick the biggest bits of cake from the thatch of Julie Burchill. £10 could teach Hadley Freeman how to use a comb. For a generous one-off payment of just £30, you could help Alexis Petridis to trim his own hair with an adult pair of scissors, or at least chew it with a less blunt rodent.
Guardian journalists need YOUR HELP, NOW, before they’re mistaken for tramps by their own interns. Perhaps they do it to make a point of not conforming to stereotypes of attractiveness, perhaps it was really windy on The Tube this morning. Perhaps they all just have really short arms.
Whatever the reason, we need to reach our target of £25,000. That could buy enough conditioner to treat Suzanne Moore.
Don’t just stare at your shoes, look them in the eye and tell them a professional can Probably Sort That Out.
Friends of The Scurf. Together, we can beat canker.