Paul Dacre – “That medal should have been mine too and I’d have sung the National Anthem.”
With Mo Fara’s track career nearing its end, the Daily Mail has shrugged aside pretence and slagged-off the runner for not singing the National Anthem after winning world championship gold. Again.
“He’s as bad as f*&king Jeremy Corbyn!” screamed Editor Paul Dacre across the newsroom last night, before being sedated with a tranquiliser dart by the Mail’s anaesthetist. Again.
Some little known facts about the UK’s greatest athlete, as helpfully revealed in the Daily Mail.
It’s not widely known that Mo is short for Mohamed, which is a Muslim name.
He was born in Somalia, which is abroad, in Africa.
He has six world championship and four Olympic golds which might have been won by home-grown athletes.
“He was also given a knighthood, which should have gone to a newspaper editor. Sebastian bloody Coe got a peerage.” sobbed Mr Dacre in the recovery room.
A frustrated Mo Farah says he doesn’t know what more he can do to secure the role of R2D2 in the Star Wars films after once again doing his trademark ‘Mobot’ celebration.
Farah says he truly hates running, but it’s a means to an end to get his dream robot role.
Hiding a secret addiction to the 110m hurdles
Up to a third of drug addicts have taken athletics at some point in their careers, according to information obtained by the Sunday Times.
The shocking revelations claim that the athletics range from some relatively harmless recreational jogging, right up to more hard-core activities such as triathlons and marathons. Continue reading
Please don’t try this at home. Or in Rio. Please.
Plans to rationalise Olympic judging will see many of this month’s winter games’ scoring systems being adopted at the proper Olympics in Rio 2016. “Here in Sochi, how good you look is at least as important as the more workaday factors such as speed and distance.” says IOC President Thomas Bach “I’m not sure about girth though, let me get back to you on that”.
“Ski jumping for instance is assessed on ‘style’ during take-off, flight and landing, plus a small proportion of marks allocated for distance actually travelled.” Continue reading
More like ‘no personality’! Eh? Eh? I’m right aren’t I?
With Andy Murray named as BBC Sports Personality of the Year for 2013, people incapable of thinking for themselves have been busy repeating a ‘joke’ about him not having a personality.
“It’s called Sports Personality of the Year right? Personality, right? So how can Andy Murray win when he doesn’t have a personality??!” said James Luck, an office worker from Northampton, while grinning like he’d just invented comedy. Continue reading